Knowing what is a personal boundary is foundational to you being a healthy you. Under normal healthy growth as a child in a fully nurturing home, your personal boundaries are automatically established unconsciously by your parents’ nurturing behavior in your upbringing. You learn what are your boundaries by the behaviors shown by your parents, which you will copy when you emancipate out into adult life. You will do all that unconsciously in a healthy, loving, complete home.
If your parenting was less than perfect and not complete, then behaviors that violate your personal boundaries have occurred. When this has happened, then we will need to learn consciously what is a personal boundary, and what our personal boundaries are in all that we do. Moreover, we will need to understand why we even have personal boundaries, what self esteem is, and our right as a sacred person to even need and deserve personal boundaries in our lives. Personal boundaries are to ensure our spiritual integrity. Lastly, we will need to learn the relationship of personal boundaries to intimacy and how personal boundaries increase capacity for intimacy.
The reason emotionally incomplete people have difficulty seeing their boundaries and feeling their boundaries being violated is because they feel they have no right to have boundaries in the first place. If we feel we have no right to have boundaries, then how can we feel it when they are violated? Emotionally incomplete people have given up being a person and live in a constant state of having given up, and they live in hopelessness. This writing is intended to help you change all that if this is what has happened to you. First, we need to affirm that we as a person have a spiritual right to boundaries because we deserve them. If we feel we are worthy of boundaries, then we can more easily see them and identify unhealthy boundary violations by others and avoid settings where they will happen. Scarcity and emotional need by you are not an exchange for boundary violation, ever. That is a lie someone has told you to control you.
The more emotionally complete you become, the more completely you will feel your boundaries and will feel more natural as you defend them against others who are poisoning. Spiritually complete people who are nurturing will feel more comfortable getting close to you because they will feel safe in building deep relationships with you.
There are three general areas that are sacred and thusly have boundaries in some form or another, as established by religion or culture and our person-hood. They are God or Nature, Society or The Public, and lastly The Individual, which is you. Any interaction between these areas requires an altering of behavior to accommodate the identity of that area. Sometimes these areas overlap which requires recognition of both areas in how we behave to remain respectful and proper. One would not scold a child in public because that would violate the dignity of the child and the public community both, as an example.
It is easy to see what our physical boundaries are such as our bodies, apartments, automobiles, our lockers at work and our desks and computers. Outside presence of others in the physical realm are easily detected when they occur. These unwanted intrusions can be as subtle as not yielding to your path on a sidewalk or sitting in your usual seat in a break room at work.
Being human, we exist and interact on more than just the physical plane alone. It is on this higher plane of interaction where the most boundary violation and emotional damage occurs. As a person you exist on another overlapping level at the same time. You exist on the physical level, but we all exist on the spiritual level as well. Being spiritual, you have spiritual boundaries that need to be recognized also. Spiritual boundary violation destroys your sense of who you are and is the most damaging of all. Good parenting will have much nurturing which will recognize your spirituality and encourage your knowledge of it and reinforce your rights to defend those boundaries of it.
The first level is the passive emotional level. Good parenting will respect your emotions and your right to have them. Good parents will recognize you in your emotions and through your parents you will learn to use your emotions to build your world of who you are to make you a complete human being. You will learn as your parents recognize you in your emotional life, what is ineffective emotional use, such as being too moody, too bossy and upset at incorrect things, and lastly using your emotions to manipulate others. Good parenting will also teach you proper use of your emotions to accurately tell when something is not right and is not a good fit for you, and how to deal with life’s hardships and losses by feeling them deeply and learning to overcome those hardships and losses. To understand your spiritual boundaries, you will use your emotions exclusively to see them and defend them.
The next level is the active emotional level. Proper parenting also includes much encouragement from them to bring out your will and identity. What they will have spent much time on is coaxing you to focus on an inner well of energy upon which you should spend the rest of your life developing, and that is who you are as an individual. People are different, and as such we all have a gift to do different things. Very different things! It is on this active emotional level that also have boundaries that you need to recognize and aggressively defend the most. These seven things are all natural to everyone who is properly nurtured in childhood, but if your parenting was inadequate, abusive, or lacking completely, then it is never too late to learn them now. These Wonder Child Activities as I call them, are where your life will be spent and where your greatest happiness will be found. They will also be the source of all your relationships you will ever need and where you will find the resources and income for your entire life.
These seven activities, just like your purse, car, desk at work, and apartment, all have boundaries, and all need to be recognized and defended very aggressively. They are: Seeing things through your own eyes, (not someone else’s or organization’s eyes), feeling your own feelings (not letting another person tell you what to feel), Thinking your own thoughts, and making your own choices.
Beyond that are the higher spiritual level activities that have boundaries that need defending as well. They are dreaming your own dreams, building your life on those dreams, and lastly rejoicing and sharing those dreams with all of Humankind.
We have shared here references to what happens in an ideal textbook childhood with good parents to show you what probably is missing if your childhood world was as inadequate as was mine, this comparison to an ideal world was not to make you feel left out and unworthy, but to show you what you deserved to have happen for you. We want to show you how to create what was missing today within yourself and help you find nurturing friends to give you this completeness as an adult today. Once understood, you can create it for you.
The stronger your sense of who you are, the more reassured you will feel to defend your personal boundaries on all levels, physical and in relationships. The more you know who you are, the better you can find your own kind. Unsure people do not make safe friends and solid emotionally complete people feel that. If you be yourself and be proud of who you are, you will attract those nurturing others to you.
As you enter the spiritual world from the reptilian dysfunctional world, there is one rule to remember and follow closely. When it comes to relationships with both people and organizations, religious organizations included, say, and follow this rule closely: “Entrance into my world emotionally and spiritually is by invitation only, and I do not owe you any explanation ever as to my refusing to let you in.”
You are more than just a physical person. You are also deep spiritually as well. That spirituality has boundaries that must be respected. God is in your individuality. Your Spiritual Life Has Boundaries Just Like Your Person. .
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Just for the record, this is an emotional and spiritual encouragement ministry. We are selling nothing here and are not at the present time even set up to take donations, and probably never will. Your healed life is our reward enough, and we are very pleased with that. If you want to, please share your strength with others in your future so our nurturing can live on.