Being alone and feeling alone is no fun. In fact, loneliness, unwanted isolation, and depression from it is increasingly a problem. This is even though we are in close proximity to more people than ever before. If we are around more people, and a certain percentage of those people have the same profile as us, then why are not the chances of us meeting those people like us a remedy for our feeling alone? It should be.
The problem is not solved by simple numeric probability of meeting those like us to befriend. That was my failed attempt for two decades. If we are lonely, it would seem we can just go and meet more people and sooner or later we will find our matches for friendship or a spouse. If simple exposure to them was the only barrier, that would work, but the problem is there are more than physical barriers involved which are creating these emotional needs in us. And we are going to address all the levels of those barriers here so you can remove those barriers yourself.
Nobody just starts being alone and feeling alone in the short term. Those of us, including me for sure, by time I became aware I was alone and feeling alone, it was years into the condition of isolation and withdrawal. At that point there were so many barriers contributing to this loneliness experience it seemed overwhelming for me. I did not know what to do and where to begin to heal my emotional need. Looking back, after I learned everything, I can see the way clearly. Moreover, I want to share the path to wholeness with you.
For immediate encouragement, the barrier between you, the true you, and those like you with whom you will feel immediately close to, because you all are kindred spirits, is perhaps the easiest barrier to cross over. That barrier will come down very quickly. It does not matter if you live in a small rural town out in the country or reside in a mega big city like Denver, the social setting does not matter. There are people like you nearby waiting to bond with you because of your gift of who you are.
Now that we have demystified ‘the meeting of our kind’ as being an easily conquered obstacle, let us look at the other barriers that need to be crossed also. Since we are spiritual and emotional beings, we exist on those levels at the same time as the physical level with which we are already familiar. Moreover, it is on those emotional and spiritual levels where the most damaging barriers get created and we must recognize and overcome them as well. And this must be done in a certain order. There is a hierarchy to them that we must follow.
When we sense we are alone and feeling so, it is from being alone, also feeling separated from more than just other people. It is from being separated from more than good interaction in a social setting. To show you what you are disconnected from, we will have to venture back into your childhood, in the dawn of your life. You came into Humankind as more than a person; you came here to bless us with yourself as a gift. It was your parents’ job to show you what it is about you that brought joy to them and to certain others in Humankind. This process of nurturing should have filled you with joy and excitement about who you are, so when you grew up, you would by nature, go out into the world, excited to find your own kind. There you would share the joy of your uniqueness and ‘gift of self’ with those others, successfully creating your world together.
What often happens is that bad or missing parenting, along with horrific losses early in our lives deny us the connection between us and our beauty we should be excited to share with everyone. What that does is leave us feeling empty and needful. But the worse effect of it is we make the natural mistake of we start looking for and needing something outside of us to fill us. The natural response is we start making superficial relationships with anyone in proximity to fill ourselves and not be lonely. Over time a few of these mismatch friendships that go south then reveal a terrible lie about us. This lie is that we are not loveable, popular or have no social and redeeming value as a person with which to become emotionally close. Of course, you would see yourself that way, an emotionally needful person seeking to have something in common with someone with which you are not even alike. That is as misleading a symptom of what you are truly not as it gets! You end up feeling you are needy and that no one will like you.
We are not ready to try connecting socially with people yet, because when we do, we incorrectly see we are a socially boring, flat, inept person that cannot even know how to talk to the other gender. That is because there is one last barrier, and it is the main one we need to cross first. Remember when we said that it was our parents or early childhood life which should have shown you what it is about you that brought joy to them? That is what should have happened and if it did not, we need to create this happening for you today.
The loving attention of parents show their child they are lovable and valuable as a person. The lie you see is your lovableness, value, and character are not present because a loving parent or bad childhood losses did not show you them. Your virtues are still there, unrecognized, and they are who you are inside. The journey to not being alone and feeling alone will end when you first reconnect fully with who you are, in all your beauty, strength, potential that is truly you.
Fully connected, emotionally complete people exude an enthusiasm about who and what they are. They have enthusiasm for what they love. Search yourself, find the things that interest you, and see yourself as a loving parent who would have seen and loved you. God made you different, your difference is like a unique color in a rainbow. When you find your color, your uniqueness, then your passion for what you love to do will guide your steps home to your happiness.
Look within for what you dreamed about as a kid. Those dreams will come from two areas: Something you wanted to do, have, be, or achieve. Generally, this applies for a man. If you are a woman, it can be something you wanted to be in, such as a setting or environment, like having a loving household where you could care for a husband, work in a nursing home, or care for plants in a greenhouse. Women usually want settings; men usually want to create or go to frontiers somewhere and research and explore and build. Roles can be reversed based upon your personality.
In review: Always searching ‘out there’ for an answer to being alone and feeling alone will not ever work. We need to first find and learn to love the one who is searching, which is you. When we learn to know and love ourselves, then we can easily go out there and find the setting and the ones who will truly be closest to us in our long-term future. The ones we meet there will be with us forever, because we will have found ourselves first.
Just for the record, this is an emotional and spiritual encouragement ministry. We are selling nothing here and are not at the present time even set up to take donations, and probably never will. Your healed life is our reward enough, and we are very pleased with that. If you want to, please share your strength with others in your future so our nurturing can live on.