Betrayal in a relationship happens frequently when the betrayed person is growing spiritually and the one who is offending is not. Common behaviors were shared early on. But then as one becomes deeper in character, a situation arises that requires deeper character on both sides, and the lesser one then shows their limits. Shallow people betray deeper character people. So, the task for the one betrayed then is how to understand what happened, why it happened, and how do we prevent its recurrence. Lastly, how do we then find others like us to help us to grow and not be in mismatched relationships. A little bit of spiritual insight will provide answers in all those areas in question.
Betrayal in a relationship of employment can easily happen because rarely are the employing situation and supervisors in the same deep emotional world as the employee. It is different because it is rarely as deep as a relationship with a spouse, close friend or family member. If the agreed areas of work situation, wages, work hours are agreed upon, then that is as deep as it needs to go. In the case of discrimination above that, such as our expectation of promotion or wage increase and our employer bypasses us for their friend or an outsider, that would be emotional betrayal for sure. In that case we would be justified in feeling betrayed. Since our employment situation did not take our status as seriously as we do, then we must decide if we should accept the betrayal or seek other employment where our feelings and needs might be better respected. That is a big decision. On the first occurrence we might choose to overlook it. If it happens repeatedly, it indicates there is a better place elsewhere for employment.
The closer we are to others emotionally and in family, the deeper we feel betrayal when things go south. Betrayal that is this painful and damaging requires more understanding in how to correctly respond. The biggest weakness I have experienced myself is the tendency of the one betrayed, which is me, to incorrectly see the one who is hurting me. Deep spiritual people and especially those who are melancholy and perfectionist as I am, tend to be nurturers. As such we see the best in others and more specifically, we see what they could be spiritually, and not what they are right now. We see them in their need, and we try to build them up to be what we see they could be. We try to help them when they in essence do not care to be helped. That is the first mistake.
They do not take themselves and their station in life as seriously as we take ours. They are only along for the ride, and they are not there to contribute, and to build to a higher state of living as we are. There are two disagreements here: first is the disagreement of how we and they see life and our ambitions in it, and the second is how we and they value each other. They do not value life and their role in it as much as we do, and second is they do not value themselves or another significant other’s needs and emotions. The bottom line is they prove they do not value their relationship with you as much as you value your relationship with them.
The biggest mistake I made was I involved myself in other people’s lives based upon the needs I saw in other people. I figured I am a nurturer, and my role is to help all other people. Later I learned I am not called by life to help all other people; I am called to grow in myself first and foremost. As such I should be looking for others that are as spiritual as I am to get the love and support I need in my world first. We are called first to grow ourselves, then secondly to nurture only select other people afterwards. Put simply, we are to be selfish first, then be of service to only others of highest character second. That is a big shift in values and priority from what is often misinterpreted in religious teachings. They blanket teach that others are to come first, and us and our needs are to come last, which is emotionally poisoning.
When we change our values to what is best for us, seeing others that will not betray us is easier. We are not to look for what is best for needful others as a source of our relationships to nurture us. We are to look for others who are most like us and who value themselves and relationships as much as we value others and relationships. The weakness of high spiritual people who are usually nurturers is letting others use their helplessness to control them. The world does not come to the self-neglecting people on their terms, they are to come to the world on its fair terms, and they are to learn that, if even by the hard way.
Preventing betrayal in any of our relationships will cease when we look for others in life who value themselves, their status in life and their relationships with others as highly sacred as we do. We can develop the skill to do so over time, by seeing these three things as sacred to ourselves. Thinking in that mindset will help us to see others with the same viewpoint on these areas as we do. When you see life with those values it will attract those people with the same values as you into your world. It is an unexplainable spiritual phenomenon of attraction somehow. I do not know how it works but it does, like the law of gravity. The Bible calls it faith and attributes it to God in Christianity, but religion and theology have nothing to do with it. Living in character and practicing virtue of personhood causes it, no religious, theological, academic, or certification is needed. All you need is to be your highest definition of yourself and being high in character, that will attract others like you into your life.
There are many settings causing betrayal in a relationship, and many different relationships in which betrayal can happen. There are too numerous to elaborate on each one here, but we hope we have touched on something that will help you look at how you view others, yourself and how you look at your life to find the cause in your circumstances. In general, being more selfish in who you allow into your emotional world will help. In your personal world, it is by invitation only and you need not explain to anyone why you are not allowing them in.
Just for the record, this is an emotional and spiritual encouragement ministry. We are selling nothing here and are not at the present time even set up to take donations, and probably never will. Your healed life is our reward enough, and we are very pleased with that. If you want to, please share your strength with others in your future so our nurturing can live on.