Signs of abuse in relationships are broadly defined as violation of boundaries to the extent that it emotionally and spiritually is injurious to one party by another in a personal setting. The source of the setting can arise out of a family where the two are related, or from marriage where the two are related by choice. When the two involved in such injurious dynamics are by marriage or spouse to be, there is always a connection between the two that arises from one or both parties’ family of origin.
Emotionally complete families create complete children who carry away no issues that require resolution in any future relationships to fix them. Emotionally incomplete families produce incomplete emotional children that carry with them tons of unresolved emotional needs. As adults these needs will weaken all relationships of its members with the burden of having to fix them. What happens very often is that two emotionally incomplete adults with unresolved childhood needs will match up, each attracted by their background’s similarity.
My theory is that the abusive personality is attracted to their prospective victim because they sense the other's tendency to nurture. The abusive one also sense weakness in the nurturing victim’s boundaries. The offender does not want nurturing, they seek control and domination. The victim is attracted to their abuser because all they sense is someone with an emotional need and they believe in their care giving eyes is a person that they can nurture to emotional completeness. What happens after that is everything goes south. Both accept each other because of bad needs, not spiritual likeness.
When there is an abusive potential relationship forming, it can take months and even years for the evidence of the poisoning dynamics of the relationship to surface. The reptilian posture, (a term we use a lot in these subjects here), will begin refusal to break down, despite the best efforts of the nurturing partner, and oftentimes becoming even more angry and begin taking it out on the nurturer with anger at their parents of origin, misdirected. The nurturer will emotionally weaken themselves and become even more needful of the abuser as a result.
One of the most obvious characteristics of this bad, abusive relationship is the strong presence of the rule of ‘agreement is truth and if we believe the same, that is beneficial to our relationship.’ With that dynamic inserted, leverage is now in place for the dominant abuser to make the victim agree with him or be wrong. That just robbed the weakened nurturer of the right to see things through their own eyes and the moral leverage now is to see things through the eyes of the abuser, a great advantage to the abuser. This in and of itself is the beginning of visible signs of abuse as the relationship degrades in health further. This sign of abuse in this relationship may now become evident to close friends and family members at settings like holiday gatherings and times of celebration, such as weddings and graduations. Afterwards, close others may begin to notice and talk about the couple, seeing that something is wrong.
At this point, more concrete signs of abuse will become evident. Conversationally the victim will obsess on the world view of the dominant oppressor and their reactions and arguments against it, but only what the abuser is doing and how the abuser sees things, and how unfair it is, but their observations always stay in those boundaries, and never venture into the, ‘what am I going to do about it', and, 'what is right for me in this relationship' area. If confronted, they will simply ignore the question. That is because now in their world, they, and their view from their own eyes no longer exists.
There are many other websites that list in great detail what the signs of abuse in relationships are, and nothing is served to list them again in any detail here. Our purpose is to share insight to remedy the situation for yourself or your loved one. The one overall characteristic about every sign or abuse is their effect on the victim, and the lack of character in the one committing these signs. Every sign, gesture and word spoken can be measured against one spiritual rule: Is my Spiritual Personhood being recognized and respected by this gesture, this posture, and by what was just spoken? By your spiritual personhood we mean your seven spiritual activities, as well as your physical body and your right to your honorable reputation. Those things are not earned, they are yours by default of being a sacred person. What are your seven spiritual activities? Seeing things through your own eyes, feeling your own feelings, thinking your own thoughts, making your own choices. Beyond that are the last three, which are dreaming your own dreams, (or talents), following your own dreams (or building your own talents), and lastly sharing your built dream (or talent) joyously and proudly with all of Humankind who will rejoice and benefit from your dream and talent and your presence in it. If the intent, the effect, and conclusion is derogatory to you the victim, it is emotional and spiritual abuse, period.
Every sign of abuse in any relationship listed here or elsewhere can be measured against the rule above. When measured, we see it violates it clearly, as oppressors cross every boundary; physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual there is. Boundaries exist on our multiple levels because humans are multilevel beings. We are physical, mental, emotional, and lastly spiritual. A violation of a boundary is not intimacy, it is spiritual murder, just as bodily damage can cause death, so too can emotional and spiritual damage cause spiritual death as well. Signs of abuse in a relationship, at any level and degree, are acts of emotional and spiritual crime of the most painful, life damaging kind. Let us call it what it truly is, emotional and spiritual murder.
If we have experienced emotional and psychological abuse, there is an answer. There are two kinds of souls present in Humankind, as described in the Bible, and referred to in other religions, the sheep, and the goats; those capable of, and tending to find God, and those with no such interest or care to find God or do anything good for anyone else. There are those with the capacity to become good, and those who are nothing but parasitic reptilians with no spiritual capacity whatsoever. The latter group we cannot do anything for. The former group is whom we seek to reach and empower to heal themselves. So, what can we share with an emotionally deep feeling person with much sensitivity that is overwhelmed by the reptilian world they have found themselves in, with seemingly no way out?
We offer encouragement that there is definitely a way out. You came into this world as more than your oppressor has led you to believe. You came into this world with a life, a plan for it, and a gift of good that God wants you to present to Humankind. For your oppressor, this is just another victimization of one of God’s children, and that is all it is. For you it is a learning experience to grow stronger and to learn the importance of your and others’ emotional well-being. Those are powerful, valuable lessons to grow your wisdom. Moreover, you are learning about your sacredness to yourself and to God, and to strengthen you walk with God. You will now learn to reach out to The World of Other People, and there you will find the bridge, the setting, and the loving others who will help you restore yourself and start new relationships. And these relationships will not ever develop any signs of abuse of any kind in them, only others’ love and respect for you. All that is explained in more detail below!
Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse Is God’s Spiritual Army Training For His Most Beautiful Butterfly Creations, You! Leaving A Spiritual Parasite
Just for the record, this is an emotional and spiritual encouragement ministry. We are selling nothing here and are not at the present time even set up to take donations, and probably never will. Your healed life is our reward enough, and we are very pleased with that. If you want to, please share your strength with others in your future so our nurturing can live on.