Finding myself after divorce is perhaps the hardest obstacle faced by anyone in Humankind. And it happens to the gender that is responsible for bringing the most virtue into the world, which is motherhood itself. This page is especially dedicated to Tracy Achen who has done a brilliant work in her site called WomansDivorce.com
Tracy has a burden to help those facing this seemingly impossible situation, because she cares. I am behind Tracy and wish to cast my effort with her in helping those who must swim in this stormy open sea, when most of women are completely unprepared. I wish to give my feelings about this, then let Tracy’s work carry it on from here. I have no affiliate relationship with Tracy and accept no compensation on anything you may buy there.
First are my feelings: The worst way to look at this, which is most damaging to you, is to look at your divorce situation as a failure and a loss. Setbacks in life are not best seen as failures and losses, they are at some point best seen as becoming new beginnings and rebirths of yourself. You have not failed being a child when you left home as an adult, you have not failed a pair of shoes because you outgrew them. Get the thought of yourself as a failure out of your mind as it will do you no good presently seeing anything about your situation in that light. There will be a time later when looking back at your situation and looking for correcting analysis will help to find errors, but definitely not now.
Second point: You are a woman, generally women thrive in building a nurturing setting in a home that is build by a man, the breadwinner. No, women are not the weaker sex as the Bible falsely accuses. They are the stronger sex because in World War Two, the highest capitalist production on earth was done by women in factories. At its height women were producing a battleship a day and thousands of tanks and planes. Women as needed, adapted to wearing man’s shoes and doing man’s roles. While the men went to war against the two greatest threats to Humankind that have ever existed, Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan, the women succeeded in filling the independent household role brilliantly. Men were taken out of the home by duty to Humankind, and women made the community and workplace their new household until the men came back. The point is you have the same strong patriotic blood in your veins as they did three generations ago, you are now as they were then, patriotic and heroine. The 1945 ‘Rosie the Riveter’ stereotype lives within you.
You need to rely on others. WomansDivorce.com is the first weapon of choice. Life’s complexity during divorce is too great for one to wing it on their own. Interaction with the outside world is different than interaction in a domestic household created with a partner. What you did in your marriage you must do operating as an independent household. Resources follow relationships. The relationship with a husband must be replaced with outside relationships to provide support to you directly. Finding a husband replacement is not going to work, at least not for now.
Your obstacles are in two frontiers to conquer and settle into, first is the legal, financial and professional frontier, yes that is one combined frontier you will need to settle. Next is the emotional and spiritual frontier. That is the biggest of all, just like Mount Everest in Nepal. That is where Tracy Achen and her site will be the most help. Dealing with self-esteem questions, understanding boundaries both physical, financial and emotional, and adjusting roles to cover it all is massive. Being overwhelmed is normal and okay at this point.
You can rebuild your life to a nurturing complete state, but only if you start dividing things up into sizeable chunks and address each chunk separately. Attacking it all at once on all fronts as one big problem will never work.
Get an emotional foothold first, then start assessing your situation second. In this case feelings and emotional stability must come first. The biggest thing I have noticed is that those under question of their self esteem and personhood compare themselves to perfect, and anything less is failure. Wrong view to take. Compare yourself to what is adequate, not perfect. Beware of stereotype comparisons like age, beauty, social and academics. Real high character men do not care about younger, more beautiful or those socially accomplished for being future spouses. What real men want, and value highly are a woman who is sincere, feeling, and above all authentic. The most sought-after characteristic by all men is one who appreciates when a man provides for her. God scatters good, high character men throughout all Humankind randomly and your future will have one in its path, guaranteed.
Real men look at good looking younger women as someone who at some point they are going to have fix or get rid of. Sincere men are not in the fix-the-other-person business. Men want a real lady, and it takes more than being young, petite and sweet to even get them in the door to that marketplace! Men want character and wisdom, no matter in what package they are wrapped. When it comes to the time to be available for a future spouse, your experiences and the wisdom you are gaining from those experiences will make you valuable to the one looking for you. A twenty-two-year-old will not even get his attention.
In the spiritual realm do not necessarily look to any religion, especially Christianity for your emotional and spiritual answers. Religion and spiritual are two different subjects. My perspective is when God created you Sweetheart, He created you more than a just a random person. You came as a complete package. This package contains a gift and talents within you, a passion for something, a destination, and a planned life path laid out before you in to travel and find it. This setting of divorce is a scene in your movie, in the end you are the star and the heroine. In the end you will be the victor and God’s gift to humankind, which is you, will get successfully delivered.
Just for the record, this is an emotional and spiritual encouragement ministry. We are selling nothing here and are not at the present time even set up to take donations, and probably never will. Your healed life is our reward enough, and we are very pleased with that. If you want to, please share your strength with others in your future so our nurturing can live on.