Encouragement for single moms is the page for which I am most passionate about writing. There is no other part of any society more important than the single moms who contribute to its strength. Common misperception is that it is the male, when there is one, is the stronger part and the female is the weaker vessel, as is even mentioned in the Bible. I disagree. Men are the leaders of the family structure. Leadership is representing the family structure to the outside world in all relationships, social and financial. It is the female that runs the family, almost entirely in most cases. Leadership is what officers do in the military. Running the internal operations is more involved and is done by the sergeants, the non-commissioned officers, and is much more involved. Not only is it more involved, but it is also more labor intensive and by far the most important function to each of the members in their growth. The mom has to be God to each child for every nurturing need they have.
Generally, most men are ill equipped for having to perform both rolls of leadership and operations. Anyone placed in that position must perform tasks of provision, role modeling, social representation for their children and deep nurturing for each child and themselves. Very few men are capable of attempting such a monumental task, even for a short term of several years.
Moreover, because of society values, women usually make less income per hour and have less opportunity for promotions than do men. The man dominated business world, in which single moms must work in for income, is largely based upon extrovert personality rather than on delivery of performance. Bullish extrovert boundary violating male personalities are favored. This is a grave handicap to a quiet, cooperative, nurturing, sensitive, high-character, reliable, company’s-and-customer’s-best interest female employee, who oftentimes get ignored.
That is because the very nurturing qualities needed for running a family at home are seen as a big handicap in the necessary business world participation for earning income. So, in essence Mom, who has to live in both opposite worlds has to become two different personalities. For Mom that can be almost impossible because the necessary compassionate spirit needed nurturing children at home cannot be just shut on and off like a light switch on their way to work.
Then there is the biggest problem of all, and that is where does Mom get her emotional and selfish nurturing needs met? Fuel tanks can only give out so much fuel before they themselves need to be refilled. That comes in the form of someone listening and paying attention to them because Mom needs someone to tell things to about her everyday overloaded world. Moreover, Mom needs time alone, away, by herself, without having to do, be, or think anything except about what she wants to from her childhood and her heart’s thoughts. There are Mom’s pleasant thoughts Mom needs time each day to experience and she needs time to think about them and live in them. Those pleasant thoughts are to Mom’s mind what sleep is to her body. Those pleasant thoughts Mom has are healing to her psyche and restores Mom’s sense of humor in how to see life again.
Now for the advice part for Mom to consider: All single moms are single because of loss of a good husband through death, or divorce from an inadequate husband or unexpected pregnancy. The origin of the single mom status does not matter as the advice applies just about the same. Whatever the cause of your single status Mom, do not read into your cause as some message about yourself today. Even if you caused it then, as in the case of divorce or unexpected pregnancy then does not mean that mistake defines you today. Bad mistakes or lack of virtue then are not permanent. Human moral condition for yourself is not static unless you allow it to be. The human condition overall is dynamic as is spiritual growth and maturity. This brings us to the advice for Mom part.
Okay, we have an overworked and overextended Mom with no self-battery recharge time and growing children who need everything and more of it. Everything cost money and that is the big scarcity that overrides everything else. Have we got it right?
The biggest mistake Mom is making is not looking at her world through the best eyesight for her benefit today. I know one Mom who works at Goodwill who has five children, lives in an apartment in Denver whom I have know for several years. I offered to get her employment at my company, set aside substantial money to send her to a truck driving school at my expense, even planning with the school for her. I know she had vacation time off to do so. It would mean a nine dollar an hour raise plus way better benefits. She has not lifted a finger to follow up with me or the school in over four months. The lesson to learn from this is: mistrust of your environment and an independent isolated posture is great for surviving hostile times of spiritual storm. However, the mistrust posture is a prison in times of summer and good times when the spiritual storm has passed. Life and Time come in seasons, not just in calendar progress.
Mom, if you are seeking encouragement for single moms, it tells me that the storm is passing, and it is time to come out and play so to speak. How do we do that? Put on different glasses through which to look at the world. The material world is influenced by spirituality and the spiritual level it is influenced by our heart. Reasoning and understanding with our mind with mistrust of hostile persons and situations is good in bad times and serves the purpose of survival. That is not where you are now, Mom. In times of growth and expansion you need to start using your heart. Start trusting life and looking for good persons and situations that God and Life will send to you so you can find them. Mistrust attracts predatory persons and situations to you like your blood will attract sharks in the open sea. Trusting in God and in Life will bring into your world new situations for you to find and new persons interested in your welfare and your kid’s welfare.
One last point: I find a lot of those exiting prison, poverty,
and living in poisoning background situations fail to overcome one important isolating
roadblock. Many moms are hesitant to act on and accept assistance and gifts
from generous loving others who would love to participate financially in
the upbringing of their kids. The mistrust
posture surviving bad times creates a value that everything good realized for
you and your family must come by your hand alone and earned by only your efforts.
That was needed then when survival was the goal. Now the goal is growth,
healing, self-expansion and self-realization for you and your children. Your
world Mom is more than about how much only you can do for yourself and your
family. Spiritually it is also about who you are, and letting others
love you and give to you based on who you are as well. You can properly accept
resources and gifts from generous others and not compromise your independence.
It is one good thing Mom to keep poisoners away from you and your children, but
it is one bad thing to refuse healthy generosity from others excited to do so for
your kids’ and your sake. In spiritually proper households, with single parents
and full families, resources and opportunities flow freely beneficially to the
giver and to the family needing it. That acceptance of generosity is what God wants and what your children deserve as your best for them.
Just for the record, this is an emotional and spiritual encouragement ministry. We are selling nothing here and are not at the present time even set up to take donations, and probably never will. Your healed life is our reward enough, and we are very pleased with that. If you want to, please share your strength with others in your future so our nurturing can live on.